posted Thursday Dec 12th, 2013

Alas and alack, the holiday season is here, and I know a lot of you's are probably shoppin' 'til you're droppin'. Well, fellas and fillies, while you're at it, just add me to your to-do lists! If ya see any of these gems out there while you're runnin' yourselves ragged, don'tcha hesitate to grab 'em for me!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "But sir, if you indeed feel that 'reading sucks', why would you ask for these books for Christmas?" Well, believe me, I got no plans to read any of 'em! But I think the covers of all 3 are pretty awesome, so I think they'd be neat to own. Yep, the only motivation here is to have and to hoard. Almost sounds kinda matrimonial, huh?

First up, here's "Terrace Terrors" by Richard Allen. I'm sure all you collegiate types remember him from your English Literature courses. 'Member what a pain in the keyster it was to write that essay on "Skinhead Escapes"? Sure ya do. Check out these guys on the cover! Lookin' like they're just about ready to beat the living borscht outta some unfortunate poof who happened to flutter into the Crushed Butler gig by accident. And who can blame 'em?

Now, this one's off the charts. "Soccer Thug" by Frank Clegg. (Pictured up top.) Apparently, this writer is basically a second-rate Richard Allen. But man, what a first-rate front cover! Do I want this hooligan's leather jacket? Heck, maybe I need it! I haven't decided.

Finally, check out "Gang Girls" by Maisie Mosco, who's basically a second-rate...uh, who knows? But this one's kick-ass, too. A word to the wise: stay away from broads with knives.

Okay, that about does it. If you happen to find any of these, just send them to the principal's office at Hozac High. The janitor over there is a friend of mine, and she'll make sure that I get them. Happy hunting, and Merry Christmas!